What was the highlight of your mid-year?

It has been a long time since I blogged. I was caught up by so many things and has been very lazy to write. :D Anyway, school is starting soon and I have mixed feelings about it. Maybe because summer is over and it's hard to snap back to reality? But before I do that, I just want to share with you the following things that truly made a difference in my 2014 mid-year.

Behold and Ponder: This summer, I was very blessed to have attended the 20th Singles for Christ Conference held in Chicago, It was a spirit-filled experience for me because I was able to looked back as to how far I have gone into my life's journey. I won't be as to where I am now if it wasn't part of God's plan. I know that life will always be tough and there will lots of stones thrown at us but what I truly realized during that conference is that God wants us to make our break-ups to breakthroughs and our tests to testimonies. God is really amazing in so many ways that I can't imagine.

All-white Saturday Party: SFCNY 2014

Journey Beyond: Northeast Chapter

Call to mission: As the conference ended, I was given chance to attend the mission volunteer program of CFC-USA. Honestly speaking, this has been an answered prayer to me. Why? Because since 2012, I have been thinking of becoming a missionary but I have a lot of what ifs and the most scary thought about it is the fact that  I will need to give up my human desires, dreams, friends and even family  and just surrender everything to God. During that training, I was able to learn more about myself. It served as an eye opener that, "God created me to do some committed service." It will be hard and it will be part of my constant prayer as to what does He really want me to do. But right now, the underlying question is what can I do to bring Him to others?

The MVs: Setting our hearts on fire

Youth Camp: What else can I say but perfect timing. I really thank God for this opportunity He has given us. He allowed our youth to conduct this camp in calling other youth to know Christ and to bring Him wherever they are. Each one of them really stepped up unto their games and has shown compassion for this ministry. As for myself, this has been by far one of my greatest accomplishment in my life. I always believed that the youth of today will be the leaders of tomorrow and if we mold them to become good individuals rooted by the christian faith, they will all be alright as they make their own life choices. It is indeed our responsibility as adults to guide them and it is my pleasure in leading them towards God's direction. (And a shout-out to my brother, who is now officially part of the YFC. Yey!)

Service Team 

Camp Salute: YFC NEW YORK

Adventure: My cousins from Maryland came to visit and we were all up for an adventure except for me because I am scaredy cat but I did try at some point. We went to Mountain Creek and went on cliff jumping, tarzan swings and etc. I wished I could share with you my video but it is way too embarrassing. But whatever, the point is I had fun and it is one for the books. 

Missing my sister and my mom

Epic Fail: Tarzan Swings

Now I can say that I am getting through the year and I will still continue making more memories. Remember the days go by fast so make the most out of it. :)

My First Confirmation Class

Last week, we had a very beautiful celebration in my parish: receiving the sacrament of CONFIRMATION. Some of you may not know but I have been volunteering myself as a catechist in my community. It was quite of a challenge at first since I have to balance my social life over my Sunday obligations. But honestly speaking, I have never felt so complete doing this vocation. I am teaching teenagers who uniquely differs from one another. They are in the era of technology and are questioned and criticized by their bold statements. But, really the challenge for me is how can I bring them closer to God? How can I let them understand that it is not the matter of how good they look, the kind of gadgets they own, and the prestige they posses but moreover the kind of person they are becoming? And how sure am I that I can be an instrument of change? I have so many questions and concerns but I gave my yes to the Lord for I know that this challenge would also be a learning experience for me.

Every single Sunday, I tried my best to give them in depth understanding about life and of Jesus. I am no traditional, so my teaching strategy for my class is to give them activities where they can relate in their own personal lives. One of my favorite session with them was when we had a discussion about carrying our own baggages (anger, anxiety, hatred, insecurity, etc...) and how should we deal with it. I asked for two volunteers to come up in front and if they are strong enough to carry 2 galloons of paint and how long can they hold it. While doing the activity, I gave them different situations to think about. And the reflection was: as vulnerable as we are how long can we carry that heavy load of everything? And who will help us carry it when no one is available?

I am really happy that I am part of their spiritual journey. I may not be perfect and they might be too playful at times but what is really important is that we were able to respect and understand each other. Seeing them with their parents and sponsors during the ceremony, I can't help myself but thanked God for the given opportunity of serving HIM in the best of my abilities. 

To my 8th graders (Confirmation Class): You guys really helped me find my own meaning in this new place I am in. You will always be part of me and I am proud of each one of you. As what Bishop Chappetto said, "It does not end today but your journey starts here-- continue to serve God by serving others." Our learnings shouldn't end inside our four-walled classroom but instead we should all go out and set the world on fire. My prayers goes to all of you: Ashley, Quintin, Milena, Ryan, Jennifer, Darion, Patricia, Bryan, Michelle, Cyril, Denisse, Rodman, Jasmine, Russel, Nicole, Vernon, Kate, John, Jesse, Edgar, Jennifer C., Frank, Leslie, Albert, Johann, Isaiah, Chelsea, Ronaldo, Kelly, Paola, Sam, Jamie, Abril, Angelica, Shivani and Rochelle. And special thanks to Ms. Gallo for her love and support. :)

Taken during the Diocesan Youth Day @ Immaculate Conception 

I Care About You But I Care About Myself More

For the past few weeks, I have been detaching myself away from people close to me. I don't know how to describe it but I have been shutting people off my life. I have created a strong and special bond towards my family and friends, and I have been active in relating to each one of them but I guess, it just hits me that I got tired of being a help towards others.

To be honest, this has been an on and off behavior for several months. I always like to be around people of different ages. I can talk anything under the sun and can share brilliant and stupid ideas. I always look forward on weekends because I know I will be able to hang out with the people close to my heart and just enjoy being with each other. May it be some serious heart-to-heart or to non-sense-sales-talk, I can always keep up. I was a friend's crying shoulder, I have been a one text away person except for other circumstances of course. I have always been there for everyone no matter what kind of situation they are into, I always make sure that they get my support. But one day, I just decided to be numb and not to care anymore. I realized that I have been putting a lot of effort towards others and I forgot to take care of myself. I was to busy hearing others out when I have my own issues to deal with.

A part of me was not stable, I have so many doubts about myself. I can no longer find my self-confidence, I can no longer find the urge to make myself better. I am lost in this big world of mine. I was drown with my insecurities. I have been a great adviser but I cannot believe that the words that comes out from my mouth are the words that I needed most. I was busy taking care of other people's problem and I was too afraid to admit to myself that I was weak and hurting. I was too good to be true. I guess there will be moments in our life that the only person we can depend on is ourselves and I have to acknowledge that. I think I have done enough in making sure that everyone is okay, I think it is time for me to start thinking about my wants and needs. Right now, I have so many questions about where I am heading. I have unclear plans as to what do I want to happen with my life and I am the only person responsible in making all these decisions. I admit that I have taken for granted my spiritual life and that makes it much worst. But you know what. God has always been and will always be good. I know things will be in its right places in His perfect time. And as to whatever I am going through right now, it will soon shall past. 

The Biggest "Loser"

The Biggest Loser Pinoy Edition aired just this week. I was watching the program as they feature each of the contestants and shared their weight dilemmas and how it has affected their life. So many things came up to mind and I just thought of writing something about it.

Ever since I was brought out to this world, I have always been a healthy baby. I was one of the biggest kid in the class, and among with my cousins, I was also the chubby one (there are actually two of us two of us, you know who you are. Peace out!) But that was not a factor of any biases in terms of attention. I have always been loved by my family and has been accepted. When I was watching the show, there were stories about how they were judged by the society, they were mocked and even treated unfairly. And it is a sad reality of how some of these people are being questioned as to who they are. It has brought depression and trauma and even their self concept was affected too.

I am not denying that I for one experienced such bullies. When I was in high school, I was a fat girl and I have accepted that. But despite of my physical attribute, I was a graceful dancer. I was part of the Dance Society and even the Cheerleading squad. I can do cartwheel, make a split, do high jumps and even back bends. I was flexible. I participated in school programs and I danced in front of 500 students and faculty. But you know what, there's a flashback of memory that I would never ever forget. In one of our performance, I was in front at that time dancing, there were group of people that were just booing and I'm like WTH, is it me? As I looked around, it was just me who was oversized, it was just me who was odd, it was just me and no one else. And from that incident, there was a constant visit from a group of guys who keeps on following me wherever I go and starts bashing me, and they were just screaming "BABOY! BABOY! HALA GA LINOG! (PIG! PIG! IT FEELS LIKE EARTHQUAKE!) You know what, I sulk myself in shame. I was terribly upset about myself and the world. But what else can I do? But to accept the reality, that this is me. And I am not changing myself because of people who doesn't like how I look. So when I was in my senior year in highschool, I stopped joining in all of my extra curricular activities and concentrated on other things. And I decided to move on.

Looking back, it was such a painful experience but it made me realize that because of those people I am much stronger and more confident about myself. I am far beyond blessed that I have come a long way and I have been doing great in my life right now. It is not me who is a loser but those people who are close minded and judgmental. Yes! I maybe big, but I also have a big heart and mind that choses to live without stepping anybody shoes, to believe in myself that I can conquer fears and to become a better person not just for someone but for me.

So, here is my message to all those men and women who are going through these problems, don't be afraid to reveal yourself to the world. You deserve the life you have and not by what others say about you. You are not in this world to be measured by your weight, but you are here to be a voice of reality. If you think that because you are an extra pound bigger and you don't deserve any happiness in this world, think the other way. Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves respect. Everyone deserves to be who they are. I am not saying that you shouldn't be trying to lose some of the extra baggages, but it is a choice that you should be making. You are beautiful and you need to love yourself more than anything else.

Say A Prayer

All things that we have comes from God. He is our ulitimate provider and our great planner. But as sinners as we are, we tend to fail Him more often and I am guilty of such actions. There are moments when I questioned God and His will, I blamed Him for the misfortunate events that had happened to me and my family, I just call upon Him when I am in dire need of personal favors and wants, I was inconsistent with my Sunday obligation and prayer times, and sometimes I would ask myself if does He really exist knowing that He allowed me to feel so much pain and let me go through hardships? But as I go deeper in my thoughts, I can't help but realize that if God is not real then why am I still here? Why do I still look forward to the beautiful morning that awakes me? Why am I still with the people who matters most? Why am I still enjoying the luxury of this borrowed life? Why?

The answer is, God loves us and no matter how many times we hurt Him, how many times we ran away from Him and how many times we deny Him, He will always accept us.

And for that I just want to say a prayer to our God almighty who means everything in this world:

"Father God, I just want to take this chance to thank you for all the wonderful blessings you have showered upon me. You have always been there for me in times of troubles, and you never failed to save me from my miseries. Thank you for the beautiful creation that you have allowed me to enjoy, the natural wonders and the serenity of the surroundings around me. Thank you for my safe travels, for keeping me safe in my whereabouts. Thank you for the gift of family, that through them I am inspired to become a good daughter and sibling. Thank you Lord for the people that I met, for they have imparted in me life experiences that I can draw lessons from. I would also would like to thank you for the job that I have right now, for providing my means and for your everyday miracles. Thank you Lord for bringing me in this world, for helping me become a better version of myself every single day.

Despite of all your graces you have given me Lord, I know that I have hurt you at times. I have doubted your plans for me. I would also like to ask forgiveness to those people whom I have hurt in actions and in words, that I may have overstep my boundaries. I am truly sorry for all my shortcomings.

God, I know that I cannot do anything without you. I entrust to you all my heart's desire, that in time you would fulfill it in your perfect time. I ask you to continue to bless all the people that are dear to me, be with them in their daily endeavors and that they may always remember that you are God and in You everything is possible. Please give us a healthy mind and body as we battle towards the real world. Lord, I will claim your promise that you will not forsake us; that you would provide us with everything we need. I also ask from you Father God, that you may give me love, peace, understanding and harmony within myself and towards other people around me. All this things Lord, in Your mighty name, together with the divine intervention of Mary. Amen."

Whatever is happening in your life right now, may it be in pure bliss or confusion, offer a prayer to Him and surely things will be all right. Let us continue to be a great reminder to others that God is always there whoever you are and wherever you'll be. May God be praised! :)

Big Leap

Today, I decided to make a difference in my life. I always keep on saying that I will move forward but I haven't really made such a big leap (aside from coming here in the land of milk and honey). Yes! I have been living here in New York City for almost 4 years but I am still the same old me, childish but dreamy. I want to chase those dreams that I have for myself, and today will mark the start of it.

My parents brought me here not just because of uniting us as family, but more of preparing me for the future that lies ahead. All my life, I was just the happy-go-lucky person, always and will always be full of positive things and thoughts about everything. I have gained so many friends in my journey and did had some critiques along the way but they were never a distraction of how should I live my life. As a matter of fact, they were an inspiration as to why I have been very strong all this time. I left the life in Cagayan de Oro where I was just "spoon-fed"by my parents' earning dollars, where I was just splurging and having fun, where I can just drive my car and can go wherever I want, where I felt powerful, where it was just me against the world and where I was just in the peak of everything else. I never regretted any moment of it because it will always be part of who I am.

As much as I wanted to go back and relive all those precious memories, I just want to cherish all of it and smile that I survived that crazy lifestyle. And that crazy lifestyle I have already outgrown. 

My new life here is totally different from what I was used to. I am more independent than I was, much braver and stronger, more grounded and more likely a wonder woman. I wanted to prove so many things to myself, to my family and to all those people who believed in me and to those who mocked me, that in the life we are all living, it is us who will shape our future, it is us who will make a difference and it is in our choices as to how and who will we be. 

So what will your future be like? Make a choice and let it happen. :)