For the past few weeks, I have been detaching myself away from people close to me. I don't know how to describe it but I have been shutting people off my life. I have created a strong and special bond towards my family and friends, and I have been active in relating to each one of them but I guess, it just hits me that I got tired of being a help towards others.
To be honest, this has been an on and off behavior for several months. I always like to be around people of different ages. I can talk anything under the sun and can share brilliant and stupid ideas. I always look forward on weekends because I know I will be able to hang out with the people close to my heart and just enjoy being with each other. May it be some serious heart-to-heart or to non-sense-sales-talk, I can always keep up. I was a friend's crying shoulder, I have been a one text away person except for other circumstances of course. I have always been there for everyone no matter what kind of situation they are into, I always make sure that they get my support. But one day, I just decided to be numb and not to care anymore. I realized that I have been putting a lot of effort towards others and I forgot to take care of myself. I was to busy hearing others out when I have my own issues to deal with.
A part of me was not stable, I have so many doubts about myself. I can no longer find my self-confidence, I can no longer find the urge to make myself better. I am lost in this big world of mine. I was drown with my insecurities. I have been a great adviser but I cannot believe that the words that comes out from my mouth are the words that I needed most. I was busy taking care of other people's problem and I was too afraid to admit to myself that I was weak and hurting. I was too good to be true. I guess there will be moments in our life that the only person we can depend on is ourselves and I have to acknowledge that. I think I have done enough in making sure that everyone is okay, I think it is time for me to start thinking about my wants and needs. Right now, I have so many questions about where I am heading. I have unclear plans as to what do I want to happen with my life and I am the only person responsible in making all these decisions. I admit that I have taken for granted my spiritual life and that makes it much worst. But you know what. God has always been and will always be good. I know things will be in its right places in His perfect time. And as to whatever I am going through right now, it will soon shall past.
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