Moment of Desolation

Taken at St. Joseph Church, Fullerton.

Have you ever felt like crying for no reason but you know that there’s more to it? Like a song or a flashback of memories would just bring you to memory lane as to where have you been and what is going on now. From time to time, I would go through this down moments where I would just fall into my knees and cry my heart out. I would then start asking myself the question as to, “what am I exactly doing with my life?”

I take this occasion to go deeper and reconnect with God. I always believe this is when He just knocks me over because I have been very distant and selfish with my time with Him. And yes, I am charge guilty of that. I let my current feeling of ecstasy rule me over when in fact, He is behind the reason as to why I’m in bliss.

As I look back to the different circumstances of my life, I am where I am right now because He allowed it to happen. My family, my job, my friends, the love of my life, my victories and my failures are all part of His plans. But I failed to thank him, I failed to see Him and I failed to recognize His daily presence. And now, there’s this feeling of unworthiness and shame. Now it made sense as to why I feel empty even when things are going right. I lack Jesus.

But you know what, it’s never too late to seek Him because He is relentless, He never stops loving me despite of my shortcomings. He continues to pursue me even when I am running far away from Him. He never gets tired. I am grateful for this moment of desolation for it has given me a chance to rekindle that fire that He had sparked in my heart long before time. 

P.S. If you happen to be in the same boat as I am, I want you to listen to the song, Do It Again by Elevation Worship (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0B_lnQIITxU). Truly, the lyrics spoke to me and hopefully it would to you too because He has never failed me yet. ♥