breakups to BREAKTHROUGHS

Hello 2016!

I am welcoming you with high hopes that this year will be better. I said to myself that this will be the time where I will be making bolder choices in my life, exploring different possibilities and to embrace myself with God's pure love. 

The past year was tough. I went through different kinds of storm in my personal life. No matter how prepared I was, I wasn't exempted. I had to go through all of it and experience hassles, pains and sufferings. But going back to those moments, I said to myself, "This too shall past!" And yes, it did because I am still here and every single day I'm striving to become better.

I quit my job, April of 2015. It was a very hard decision but I have to do it because I wasn't happy anymore. I have learned from the past the it is important to put your self-sanity in the equation of your work because if I kept going and I was feeling miserable about it, I will be unfair to the people I was working with. I didn't find my purpose in the teaching field. Due to the many changes of the educational system, I felt like an odd rose sitting in the bunch of sunflowers. Of course that transition wasn't easy because it has affected my finances. But honestly, at that point I offered it all to God and I made a promise that from that day forward, I will be going to daily mass because I don't have any excuse not to go since I have the luxury of time.

Every single day, God unveils to me His message and that it to trust Him. Being jobless gave me a chance to reflect on what is happening in my life, and He pointed out to me that the state of my heart wasn't doing well too. God is funny like that, He would take everything from you because I think that is when we would experience our true selves. No doubt, my heart got broken and torn into little pieces. I didn't blame God neither my partner because I know that is what He wants from me, to experience this kind of break-up so that I will have the chance to breakthrough with HIM. 

My heart, my mind and my soul rests upon God and even if I am starting this year, healing, I know in His perfect time, I would experience that ultimate joy that I deserve. No hurt feelings, no negative thoughts only learning from the past I will carry with me. And if 2015 was stormy, 2016 will be a whirlwind of adventure. 

"We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures; we are the sum of our Father's love for us. " -Divine Mercy

Mission Trip

Date: September 2, 2015

I was given a chance this year to be able to spend my summer in a different way which is to be on a mission trip. It was a joyful and lots of self-discovery adventure and praise be to God for the experience.

When I was discerning to go this trip, I don't have any funds in my account to suffice all of the expense but God used other people to help me augment all of my needs and many thanks to them for sharing their blessings. For this trip, I prayed to God that I may be able to somewhat find answers to my unending questions, to rediscover myself from the worldly perspective and most of all to seek Him as my source of everything in my life.

During my entire trip, I have learn a lot of things and made some realizations that I want to share with all of you.

1. Being away from family.

This is the first time after so many years again that I was away from my family and it was very difficult. There were moments that I cried so much because I just missed them and it really made me realize of how important they are in my life. I was not used to the fact that they are not beside me and that during this trip I was on my own but God is still good because I was well taken cared off by the people I am with. I really honor all those people who have been living by themselves, it must have been tough not having your family around you to share just anything. And for those who are still living in the presence of their families, enjoy every occasion that you have with them because time will come that you will have to be by yourself.

2. Out of your comfort.

Not only the time difference that messed me up but the mere fact that I am in a place where I am a stranger. I enjoyed my time being in the west coast but the adjustment I have to make is that I don't know how to mobilized myself from place to place. Unlike New York, there is a subway that I can just take and would bring me to different places but in the west, either someone will have to drive me around or will have to take public transportation by which I am not familiar with. But what I learned from this experience is that when you are out of your comfort zone you begin to do new things that are exciting and life-changing. And I realized that getting lost can be fun. 

3. There's always that first-time experience.

Part of my mission trip is to serve at the different conferences of the community. During preparation and execution, I have been deprived from sleep since call times are always early and we end the day really late. But the most exciting part are the big surprises along the way and it was during the Handmaid's conference because I just thought that my job for the weekend is to do visuals but I never expected that I also need to read the outlines and do visuals all at once. For me that time, there was so much pressure because the Titas are on point and I also want to be give them justice. But thankfully, we were able to manage things and everything went well. #bestconferenceever

4. Be grateful. Have fun!
I am always excited whenever I get the chance to go somewhere because I know that I will be able to gain new experiences, meet and re-connect with friends, try different food, visiting churches, long drives and most of all just allowing God to take me to places. And one thing I have learned really is that wherever you are, it is necessary to leave all your worries behind and just enjoy the greater scheme of things.

5. What is God telling you?
One of the most important thing I have learned during the entire sojourn was to take time in listening to what God is trying to tell me. As some of you know, before I left New York, I was really emotionally unstable and I felt at that point I can't seem to find myself. But instead of finding me, I found HIM. God assured me that I just need to take courage and take out the fear in me because He is preparing me for something beautiful.

I think once in awhile we need to make bolder choices in our life and we just need God to take control of everything. This is just the first of many. 

LOVE MORE: Be present

My personal testimony during the SFC conference of how I experienced the constant presence of my household leader in my life and through their special presence and involvement I am inspired to continue my service to God.

2010 was when I moved to New York City. At first I really didn't understand as to why I'm here in the US, well aside from the fact that my parents really wanted us to be together but honestly, at that point, I feel like I was a place of nowhere. One of my worries that time was that I don't have my friends with me to explore this new city I am in. I was also a fresh graduate back then, I don't have a career yet, I don't have any money, I have nothing. Living in the city was a very hard transition.

2012. My parents who were actively serving the CFC, asked me if I wanted to join SFC. I said to myself, why not since I really don't do anything and I was 21 that time, why not give it a try. The CLP took 7 weeks and I never missed anything. But truly what is significant during the CLP was that I met new people who were passionate in serving Christ. They were like big brothers and sisters to me, I enjoyed being pampered and having that someone to talk to. I think that moment, God affirmed me that I can still find friends in the city that never sleeps, not only the regular friends but the friends that would stay in the end.

When I was integrated in my household, I was expecting that I will be able to dominate the group since I am very talkative, hype & most of all I think I know everything. But the sisters I am with were very patient with me, they showed me how the community works, they accepted all of my shortcomings, they helped me strengthened my faith in God and most of all valued me as a person. I learned a lot of things about myself and the beauty of the new found friendship and sisterhood. I was really glad that the for the longest time, my longing to be with my friends back in Cagayan de Oro was compensated by the genuine care from my first household. I cannot commend enough my household leader that time, Ate MaiMai dela Cruz, who exerted a lot of effort to checked on me, gave her time &  poured her love until I become that beautiful flower. One of my unforgettable experience with her, was my first ever conference in LA. As a first timer, I was scared because I don't know what to expect but Ate Mai made sure that I was not alone during that event, she was there for me, she took care of me and most especially she prayed with me. And I can significantly remember that that was also the time when God knocked my heart with the lingering thought of mission. Truly, I was beyond blessed to be served by Ate Mai. 

But as a beautiful flower I still have that prickly things in my heart that my second household leader carefully dethorn me. She unceasingly prune me from my actions, thoughts and words. As some of you know I have a very strong personality that I tend to assert myself even when we are called to be obedient to our leaders. It hurts to be corrected and I admit that sometimes I withdraw when I am criticize but what Sheiky helped me realize is that if the correction is done with so much love and with the purest intention, take it by heart because that person truly cares for you. Sheiky and I really made a bond, she saw me at my weakest and supported me at my strongest. I really honor her for giving a piece of her friendship with me. Sheiky always believed in me and my dreams for the community. She was the one who pushed me to do more, to go to missions, to serve and the one who consistently reminded me that God can and will love me even with my imperfections. 

Brothers & sisters, I myself am a work in progress but I believed that the Lord knows when to put the right people in our lives and indeed he did for me. He gave me people from this community where I was able to know Him more, serve Him more & love Him more. With these people in my life, I have shared with them my heartaches and tribulations, successes and victories and for one very special reason: to grow in love with HIM.

Now that God called me to be a household leader and a mission volunteer, what better way to serve my members and all the other people around me is to love them unconditionally just like how I was loved. And more importantly, it is in my prayer that God may help me give my best self in service because I have received His greatest gift in my life, which His love shown thru others.

Amdg++