For the past 2 years, I kept on asking God when will the pain stop? It was break-up after break-up. From failed relationships to hopeless life goals. I am so tired and sick of it. I think life has taken so much from me.
But truth to be told, I am still here-- moving forward, fighting hard. And all of these are part of His plan.
So what are my take-aways from this experience?
Pain is inevitable. It's already part of life. No matter who you are, no one is excepted. I think what matters in this process is acknowledging the hardship you're going through. I guess that was my mistake. I tried to band aid the wounds because I just want a quick fix. But it didn't help because it just stayed as an open cut. I wished I could have cared more in taking care of the scab and allowed it to heal on its own. And now I am left with scars but it is an indication to where I've been.
Humility. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you're going through some gruesome experiences. I for one is known to be a strong soul, a lot of people draw courage from me and I have to be that person that they can depend on. But really, who do I run to if I need some tending? God. Only Him. Because as I humble myself and reveal my weakness, God actually pours out His grace in turning sorrows to joys. And indeed, He reminded me that our strength is made perfect in our weakness.
Solitude. You need to find yourself. I needed to heal. There's a difference between being lonely and the idea of being alone. I wanted to be by myself because I needed to be connected with me once again. I have lived by with JOY in my life (Jesus first; Others next; Yourself last). But what I failed to recognized is the fact that I have taken myself for granted, I have considered others first. I have given so much that I ended up not have anything to give anymore. So right now, I am relearning to embrace my individuality because loving yourself is the greatest revolution.
It's okay if you're not okay yet. Healing doesn't take place overnight, it's a slow process of recovery. Some people cannot understand why you have to distance yourself from your regular routine, why the "space" but what they don't realize is that every single day you are reminded of the little things, the familiar faces, the unexpected circumstances and most of all, they are not in my shoes. No matter how I tried to just moved on or just make a wish for it to just end, it will never be easy. Slowly and surely? Definitely.
Let go and let GOD. It's hard to throw away the things that mattered because they have been very valuable to my core. The experience, the friendship, the memories, etc... But I believe it's time to start in letting go of things that was damaged and just let God do the fixing. I was too busy trying to patch things up but as what the always say, time heals all wounds. It's about time that I need God to take control because He ultimately knows what's best even if it means I have to go through the eye of a needle.
So therefore, our life consists of different twists and turns and the most important thing is that we just keep on getting back up and continue living. Our fate would not always be in our favor but one thing is definitely sure, God would never give us more than we cannot handle. Take heart! ♥
